The 5th was 14 years after Paul died. 14 years. Took me about 5 years to stop the drugs...well mostly, and another 2 or 3 to get myself together, thanks to Ross and Faye. I must have broken a record for the time spent feeling sorry for myself there.
I was really scared at first. How could someone so full of life and so loved by me suddenly be gone forever? It scared the shit out of me...still does sometimes. I've sort of accepted it now....I think 19 is maybe too young to have that experience. To young to die too.
I was always worried that I would lose touch with the feelings as I got older but I find that as time goes by I feel closer. I'm older and more experienced in things I suppose. We're all in it together, alive or dead, human or any other living thing. It took me a while to work that out.
Anyway.....he was a good man and he was worth his place in the world.
Got an email from Faye to say that she was safe in Nepal. Hope she's ok. I don't want another lesson in loss for a while yet.
Ross cooks a mean roast chicken, much better than his blue omlettes!!