TPG

The 5th was 14 years after Paul died. 14 years. Took me about 5 years to stop the drugs...well mostly, and another 2 or 3 to get myself together, thanks to Ross and Faye. I must have broken a record for the time spent feeling sorry for myself there.
I was really scared at first. How could someone so full of life and so loved by me suddenly be gone forever? It scared the shit out of me...still does sometimes. I've sort of accepted it now....I think 19 is maybe too young to have that experience. To young to die too.
I was always worried that I would lose touch with the feelings as I got older but I find that as time goes by I feel closer. I'm older and more experienced in things I suppose. We're all in it together, alive or dead, human or any other living thing. It took me a while to work that out.
Anyway.....he was a good man and he was worth his place in the world.

Got an email from Faye to say that she was safe in Nepal. Hope she's ok. I don't want another lesson in loss for a while yet.

Ross cooks a mean roast chicken, much better than his blue omlettes!!

This is the first time I have done this so it will probably be crap but I thought it might be useful for me to keep a record of thoughts for myself.
I've decided to start now because I've nothing else to do at the moment. I've got a week of work, which would ordinarily be a very good thing. Unfortunatly it will be a week of boredom because Faye has gone on a big adventure with Emma and Ross is working and partyind with others. Never mind, it still beats work.

A bit about myself then. Well I'm 30 something and smoke far too much.....far too much. The trouble is though that I like smoking. I mean I feel like shit and have chest pains and coughs, like all proper smokers, but I still like to smoke so fuck it. Thats all you need to know really.
I would write more about myself but it's already beginning to feel like a letter to a French pen pal from school days and he was a fat selfish bastard so I won't.

I am a bit of a neurotic so a lot of this will probably be the mad ramblings of a confused and slightly bewildered wanderer through life. Which kind of sums me up really.

As usual I find myself running out of fags and it's 3.45 am so the only thing to do in these circumstances is go to bed, but beware, I have now started to record my thoughts